Dino hunt

Dinosaur Valley State Park

This weekend, we went hunting for dinosaurs.  We waded through a creek bed to find the footprints and find them we did, after a few hours sweating buckets under the blazing sun.  I feel like the entire month of August was like that; hunting for dinosaurs - looking for something huge and nonexistent today - but instead coming up short.

Not much happened during the month of August.  It was hot and still and quiet.  I’m still attempting to put words to that feeling of what is missing from the day-to-day.  Not a person or a thing, it’s more something(s) momentous and exciting (maybe even a little scary) instead of the quiet calmness.  It has been difficult for me to handle the quiet calmness, of things falling more or less in order and as planned.  My brain leaps in circles and loops, trying to spin itself into different things to do.  My hands will pick up things at random, and cohesive ideas seem to come in spurts.  I’ve been trying not to fight myself about it and sometimes winning and other times losing.  Embarrassingly enough, it brings me to tears of frustration more often than I’d like to admit.  I’m more and more convinced that these are the struggles of adulthood, starting to feel comfortable in your own skin but also trying to grow into a better one as well.  I suppose it fits the old adage - if it’s not hard, it’s not worth doing.  Is that what aging is?