Ballet condition me
This is the grace and long, lean form of a dancer. And that is the beautiful Elise Gulan on the cover of the workout dvd that I own and have been doing weekly.
So it's not her fault that, try as I may, I don't have a dancer's grace. Or a dancer's efficiency. And I can't kick my legs that high. Or hold my arms up in fifth position for that long. When I look at myself in the mirror during the ballet conditioning work out, I shudder at the toad squatting its plies and quickly direct my attention back to Elise. In my mind, I'm smoothly going through the moves alongside her, on a lush lawn by the sea. In my mind. When my thighs, quads and hamstrings are not screaming bloody murder and begging me to stop.
I'd love to lengthen my body like a ballerina. I'd love to have the rock hard abs that Elise has and for my hair to stay up perfectly in a bun for an entire workout. And SMILE during an entire workout. But this is real life, boys and girls, and in real life, my hair is a sweaty disaster and I have to keep waving my arms (or legs) wildly around at random so the motion sensor in the workout room will turn the lights back on.
Excuse me while I limp off to the kitchen to stuff my face with ice cream cake. Because that's my real life and I love it.