The bearded ones

Favourite bearded man and late artists Alan Davie

I strongly believe and am utterly convinced that all bearded men are members of a clandestine society.  And clearly to become a member of this club, you have to have a strong beard game.  A goatee or mustache alone is not going to grant you entry, regardless of how long, curly, or wispy it is.  Ranking or seniority within the fraternity is established by the number of items one can hide in his beard.  Bonus points are given if the beard can be braided or used to frighten small children.  Female members are incredibly rare but highly touted and celebrated.  And of course, November or Movember is recruitment month.

But how, you might ask, do you know this club exists, particularly if it's so secretive?  Because I've been watching (and listening) closely (but not creepily).

At the local wood-paneled coffee shop the other week, a heavily bearded fellow was in the checkout line.  Another bearded gent had risen from his table and was leaving when he saw the other bearded brother.  They exchanged very slight head nods and also some indistinguishable bass tone dialogue.  I imagine it was something like the following:

“Going to the chapter meeting next week?”

“Yes, I think the topic is Beard Oils and Assorted Unguents.”

"Looking forward to it.  Last week's meeting on Beards: Nature's Disguise was captivating.  I'll see you there, brother."

Have you spotted any evidence of the secret fraternity of bearded men?  Petra darling, I know you've got to have a story or two.