In which I resolve to Do Better
2020, are you still even there? Where even are we now? All I know is that over the last few weeks, we’ve been talking a lot, mostly among ourselves but with others as well.
We don’t shy away from having tough conversations in our household, of which we have had many. Bryan and I are a mixed race couple who grew up quite differently. Bryan is a white male from a small country town in Michigan, outside of Detroit. I’m a female Person of Colour from a suburb of Dallas, and my parents immigrated to Texas to get their advanced college degrees. But despite those differences, there’s quite a bit about us that’s very similar. We are both products of the middle class. We both have had two parents who are still married to each other. We were both able to go to college and get good jobs afterward as a result.
I would be lying if I said our conversations the last week - about Black violence, police brutality, privilege, and racism - didn’t devolve into shouting (mostly me doing the shouting). I would also be lying if I said we ended up agreeing on everything at the end of those conversations. Importantly for us, we were able to reach a settlement - on how we felt about things and why - and a path forward on how we could both Do Better. It’s not the end of these conversations, let’s be honest, there will likely never be an end to these conversations, but I am happy to be able to have them and have a partner who tries to listen through the shouting.
I’m sure by now (and I hope) that you all have seen the multiple resources that are available - to read, listen, and watch. There are action plans and guidelines as to what you can do. Others are far better equipped than I am to provide those resources to you all. I have also set a long-term goal to Do Better. In all areas that I can. I can be a better and more patient listener. I can step into areas of discomfort, examine preconceived notions I have, question my assumptions. It is important for personal growth and for me to not point fingers at others before taking a good hard look in the mirror.
We don’t shy away from having tough conversations in our household, of which we have had many. Bryan and I are a mixed race couple who grew up quite differently. Bryan is a white male from a small country town in Michigan, outside of Detroit. I’m a female Person of Colour from a suburb of Dallas, and my parents immigrated to Texas to get their advanced college degrees. But despite those differences, there’s quite a bit about us that’s very similar. We are both products of the middle class. We both have had two parents who are still married to each other. We were both able to go to college and get good jobs afterward as a result.
I would be lying if I said our conversations the last week - about Black violence, police brutality, privilege, and racism - didn’t devolve into shouting (mostly me doing the shouting). I would also be lying if I said we ended up agreeing on everything at the end of those conversations. Importantly for us, we were able to reach a settlement - on how we felt about things and why - and a path forward on how we could both Do Better. It’s not the end of these conversations, let’s be honest, there will likely never be an end to these conversations, but I am happy to be able to have them and have a partner who tries to listen through the shouting.
I’m sure by now (and I hope) that you all have seen the multiple resources that are available - to read, listen, and watch. There are action plans and guidelines as to what you can do. Others are far better equipped than I am to provide those resources to you all. I have also set a long-term goal to Do Better. In all areas that I can. I can be a better and more patient listener. I can step into areas of discomfort, examine preconceived notions I have, question my assumptions. It is important for personal growth and for me to not point fingers at others before taking a good hard look in the mirror.
