Disappearing act

I hid in my cell phone-free cave this weekend.  Honestly, I feel as guilty as all get-out admitting it but I dodged human company, opting instead for the quiet companionship of books.  I know I’ve been singing this same song for months now, but I am fatigued.  And people wear me out more than anything, more than the cleaning and baking weekend marathon sessions and more than working seemingly endless days (okay maybe not less than the last one).  When you tack on the soul-crushing heat that we’ve been experiencing the past week or so, it’s basically all I can do to remain upright.  What better excuse to have than that to remain indoors, in the blastingly frigid breeze of A/C and devour stacks upon stacks of summer reading that have piled up over the past few weeks?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I didn’t speak to anyone this weekend.  I checked in on the parents; they’re doing just grand.  My mom has gained five pounds (hooray - the combination of ice cream, bread, and beans are working (don’t worry, it’s not all in one dish)) since she came out of surgery in June and has resumed almost all of her pre-surgery schedule.  I just skipped the typical weekend debauchery of bars and clubs, of sweaty cologne / perfume anointed bodies crushed into a tight space, all angling for the best position to be seen and to be served. I bypassed the weekend experience of hemorrhaging cash from our respective wallets and common sense from our respective better judgment.  Hair done, faces on, it’s all just a little much for me right now, so I stepped back from the crush for a pause, an intermission.

I can count on one hand the number of people I interacted with this weekend.  I responded to even less than that many number of emails.  It isn’t difficult for me to unplug, to put my phone in another room and just forget about it for a few hours.  It is even easier still for me to do that with my work blackberry.

At the end of it all, though, it must end.  No one, not even I, can survive the swirling vortex that is me alone with my thoughts.  Like an Escher painting or an endless set of fluoresced dressing room mirrors, they repeat each other ad nauseam, into infinity (and beyond).  One could go mad (and maybe one has).  The disappearing act is only made magical by the reappearance, without which it would remain grotesque and twisted.  And so, come Monday, much like the carriage at midnight, I'm back again.  Until next weekend.

Speaking of amazingly magical things, my dear friend's musical is being featured Off Broadway in NYC.  If you're in the vicinity, please stop by and check out As We Lie Still.



Comments

  1. its good to unplug and you know what the internet, phone, tv will always be there- and you won't miss a thing. enjoy having some you time- it's worth it.

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  2. I've been craving some quiet time lately too. It's hard to get around here but I have the feeling that I could sleep for days if given half the chance.

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  3. Hoorya for your mom, ice cream really does help solve all problems. ;)

    I'm all for that kind of weekend, When I do go out I won't go to bars/restaurants like that unless it's a work event and then I ask why we're standing in a bar like 21 year olds when I'm definitely not {and I didn't even do that when I was 21, I prefer relaxed dive bars that aren't douchey}. Perhaps I should keep my mouth shut but I'm with you, I'd rather be home.

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  4. We all need those weekends (or longer) where we don't talk to anyone...I know I do. Good for you for hiding out!

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  5. As an introvert, I totally agree when you said people are exhausting. You weekend sounded like heaven:)
    And yay for your mom gaining weight!!!!

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  6. Sometimes I totally enjoy hiding from the world and just read read read! I am so happy to hear that your mom gained weight! Ice cream never disappoints!

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  7. Well I'm glad it's not just me. I get physically exhausted after extended periods of socialization. My skin can actually ache from it, and I just need alone-time to decompress. The struggle is real: http://www.buzzfeed.com/erinlarosa/problems-only-introverts-will-understand (#4 is you this weekend!) xo

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  8. The reappearance is magical--and very welcome. Mixing with the hoi polloi is exhausting. But thankfully there are a select few people who are actually energizing. Like any responsible vampire, I try to avoid draining them. :)

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  9. i like unplugging from time to time and spending the free time i have doing things i love and most of it includes things i do alone. :) being with friends is great but so is being alone!

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  10. I'm totally with ya - withdrawing from the world every now and then is a definite must in preserving my sanity!

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  11. Beautifully written. I love this line: I just skipped the typical weekend debauchery of bars and clubs, of sweaty cologne / perfume anointed bodies crushed into a tight space, all angling for the best position to be seen and to be served.

    I, too, can forget my phone for hours. It might also be an act of rebellion.

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  12. ooh girl, i feel you. sometimes you need a re-charge and us introverts need to be away from peeps to do so. am i right or am i right? ;) i hope you are a little more refreshed after your unplugged weekend.

    my staycation begins tomorrow and pretty much all i want to do for the next 7 days is stay in my pajamas, read, write and eat blue bell cookies and cream ice cream. is that such a bad thing? lol.

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  13. Understood, dear! I think I unplug most weekends because I don't want my kids to see me on my phone all day. And the only people I talk to is them and the hubs ;).

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  14. that is me most days. i just can't balance it all, all the time so i have to retreat. luckily (and unluckily) i work from home, so it's easy for me to retreat throughout the days/weeks, several times a day - but then it's always there, the never ending to-do lists so i always feel really protective of having those times available as needed, and as a result i don't get out nearly enough. i loved your last paragraph. beautifully written. xo

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  15. don't beat yourself up over this. it's just a phase. it'll end. and it'll come again. it's not mandatory to socialize and spend a fortune doing so, even though we are often led to believe it is. enjoy your alone time with good books [and send me your reading list when you have a moment]. xoxo

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  16. Congrats on taking a step back from the fray. It seemed impossible to me once to be able to do this, but that is exactly what I've done for the past 6 months and the wonderful thing is, you need it less when you come back and feel refreshed too. It sounds lovely to have the time to read. I try, but tend to fall into movies a lot easier. Hope you are enjoying!
    xo Mary Jo

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  17. I can't tell if I want to be with my thoughts or surrounded by people.

    7% Solution

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  18. Your ice cream/bread/beans reminds me of the Friends Thanksgiving episode with Joey enjoying Rachel's trifle!

    One of my struggles this summer is having Cal home! I know that sounds funny, but I work from home, blissfully alone all day, and having him here (while delightful!), can be wearing. So I'm working to find balance. And to balance my online time too. Might be time to ditch some stuff. Thinking about things.

    So happy about your mom. :)

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