In the morning, I wash with Biologique Recherch√© Lait U, followed by Tracie Martyn Firming Serum, Biologique Recherch√© MSR-H Cream, and Suntegrity 5 in 1 (my new favorite organic tinted sunscreen). Then I slather myself with Burt’s Bees Nourishing Body Lotion, which is actually for babies.”

Carla Gugino’s skincare routine, a la TheNewPotato

I’ll admit, during the summer afternoon lull, I’ve been perusing more than my fair share of girlie web sites that discuss health, beauty, fashion, relationships, quite unlike my usual web browsing.  And wowza, the things you’ll learn (how to spiralize every veg ever, drink green things in a smoothie, exfoliate all the time always).  

One of the omnipresent themes of these websites is a featured column that delves into the morning and evening skincare routines of rosy, baby-faced angelwomencreatures.  These ladies, who most likely spend at least an hour upon waking and prior to sleeping, slather on a litany of products (serums/creams/toners/tonics/oils) to their faces in alphabetical order.  All of this careful facial care led me to an examination of my own skincare routine, which I’ll now share with you below...

AM: Bleary-eyed, I swipe at my face a few times with a cleansing facial wipe (thank the heavens for whomever came up with these things).  I’m dead to the world in the mornings and can’t imagine attempting a real face scrubbing with water.  Instead, I’m satisfied with my two morning accomplishments: bed making and teeth brushing.  My tube of Japanese facial sunscreen glares at me, judgingly.  I’m indoors during most daylight hours, I reason, so why waste it even if I am in my 30s and applying sunscreen is a Must Do instead of a Should Do.  At the office by 6:30 in the morning (killmenow), I then perform a second face check (did I wipe away all the sleep from my eyes?  likely not) by fluorescent light, which always makes me want to scrape my face off and start over.  The rest of the day is spent avoiding my reflection in all shiny surfaces.

PM: I wash my face with some random face wash whilst in the shower, wondering once again where those latest bruises came from and if I’m seriously just allergic to everything.  For someone who owns a horse, a hay allergy seems like one of the most nonsensical things to have.  Anyway, back to the face.  Does drying your face with a scratchy towel count as exfoliating?  Sometimes I’ll use an Alpha Beta peel wipe, if I remember, and oftentimes I don’t.  No night cream or face mask and instead I fall asleep with a comic book cracked open on my pillow and all the lights still on.

Clearly, no one will be photographing or filming me any time ever.  My focus at home is centered around making sure that the house is hygienic and let’s face (sorry) it, I’m lazy.  I’ll settle for my face showing its age, all of its laugh lines, and shadows from staying up reading too late once again.