Give your heart a break
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| Jarek Puczel |
"He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not."
You jump straight to the logical, rational conclusion. "It makes perfect sense," you proclaim. You've run the math in your head, checked it twice. It's sound. Meanwhile, she's on her fifth time explaining the situation to you, another twist to the angle, another vantage point perhaps. "He likes / doesn't like you," you patiently repeat yourself and think about another way to say the same thing without saying the same thing. Maybe if you say it enough, she'll understand. And when you leave, unsuccessful in your endeavour, she'll tell the same story five more times, even to perfect strangers in line at the grocery store. "What do you think he means by that?" she'll ask and they'll all shrug in unison and move on to the next checkout counter.
If she's lucky, she'll have a therapist to talk to, or an aunt, mother, sister, mentor, somebody else who will validate what you've thought to be true. But how can an interpretation of someone's actions ever be validated by what someone outside of the situation thinks? At best, we're all guessing. And trying to keep her from talking to herself / her plants / her cat / her ex. Until finally, until what? It's resolved? It's over or just begun? Someone's heart lies shattered on the pavement, tossed out the apartment window by a barrage of harsh words or regretful actions. Someone's heart lies cradled, nestled in someone else's palms and flutters and blushes a deep deep red. No, it's typically less dramatic than that. A slow oozing out of everything until the repetitions become less and less frequent and one day completely drop away.
"My turn," you think and seize the lectern. And then it's rinse and repeat all over again.
ha, as you know, I've been the one sitting on the chair fairly recently. and it happened just as you described it, the talking and analyzing lessened and finally dropped away. what I do wonder is why us women, and I do believe it's more common among women and less so among guys, give that kind of power to someone else. I also wonder if the incessant talk doesn't make it worse. and I wonder why we can't just be brave enough to express our emotions to whoever is concerned and just deal with it. I know ego is a bitch, and it wouldn't be happy with that kind of behaviour, but jeez, dealing with it is sooo tedious. I do believe that some imperfection and the willingness to open up and be vulnerable go a long way. it's refreshing and liberating to deal with these things head-on (after a lot of initial discomfort, I admit to that) and exactly the kind of action that gives your heart a break...
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how the heart can really skew our view on a rational situation. But then, I guess, where the heart is involved rationality goes completely out the window - which is what makes love so amazing, or so awful sometimes. I hope everything is ok, and I'm always on the other end of an email. In fact, I was just talking to the girl at the desk next to me about how relationships seem to be going funny lately. I've heard of three extreme cases of breakups in the past two weeks and it's shocked the hell out of me that people would ever act that way/do that to each other. Relationships baffle me. Even my own ;)
ReplyDeleteIt's crazy how good we can be with advice for our friends when it comes to affairs of the heart, but we're totally blind to our own mistakes/troubles. Oy. Hindsight might be 20/20, but self-sight (I made that up but you get it) never is! xo
ReplyDeleteThat's a tough position to be in, but I suppose her spot is even tougher. Thankfully, I've never been there, but I overanalyze everything else to death so I can imagine her place and feel for her.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I know of you, she's lucky to have your ear... no matter what you can muster to say after she's circled around the story another time. Hope it gets better.
This is exactly the same position I seem to be in with my close group of friends at least once a month. Sometimes I enjoy being the therapist, and other times I get bored of the same situation. It's funny how we dish out the same advice over and over again, telling others wise words and to pay heed to a clear mind. But whenever it comes to any matter of the heart or of life, we can never take our own solid wisdom. Rinse and repeat, say it loud and clear!
ReplyDeleteI think this is so beautiful Rooth. It puts me in mind of one friend in particular that my heart is sore about. I've sent her some of the poems you've shared before, but I don't think I'll share this. This is more about me and how many of her repetitions I'll hear until she understands that she can say the same things no more.
ReplyDeleteThe brain runs the show, until the heart pulls a coup. When things go wrong the brain can't step back in because it has been rendered powerless. Fortunately the obsessed (possessed?) person will eventually burn out and be repulsed by the subject themselves. As hard as it is to deal with, it might (might) actually be healthier than pretending all is well. I hope your friend is nearing the end of that cycle.
ReplyDeleteHey, now that you've seized the lectern, do you have anything you want to share??? :)
Wow. Not only was this beautifully written but gosh, I can so relate. To be completely honest, I'm usually the one doing the re-hashing. The over-thinking. And I know it and I know how annoying it might seem to those friends who have to hear me trying to justify everything but it's kind of like an impulse (I'm working on it). It takes a really good friend to put up with that.
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