Home is where...
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| Society6 |
Snapshot: me standing over an open cake box, digging another fork (or spoon, whichever is clean) into a chocolate cake, dinner for the second night running. Snapshot: me locking myself in the bedroom before I go to sleep at night, still afraid of what might crawl out of my full-length mirror in the dead of night.
All is quiet, constantly, except for the muffled thud of doors closing in hallways around my apartment. I may not speak to another soul before going into work again the next day. Occasionally in the mornings, I perform a morning vocal check just to make sure my voice hasn't gone all adolescent-boy overnight.
I won't miss the humidity in the air or the low-hanging clouds that always threatened to burst. I won't miss the security of knowing where the best gas stations / breakfast spots / lattes are found. I won't feel homesick for the rough and tumble swampland and kitschy culture that I grew to appreciate and love. And I will not cry.
I'll comfort myself with TV reruns. And blogs. Your blogs that read to me of home and of feeling nestled in a place where I feel known, embraced and accepted.
Oooh, I'm sorry you're feeling sad, lonely, and displaced. It's no fun - much as chocolate cake for dinner sounds kind of awesome, actually - Hopefully you can feel connected again soon. And yeah, it's hard not knowing where all the good spots are...but you'll find them. Maybe take the weekend to explore, and play at being a tourist in your own town. Sometimes if you reach out, the good things will find you too.
ReplyDeleteOh no....that's no good that you're feeling homesick and lonely. I went through a similar experience years ago and it was awful. I remember having to test my vocal chords too because I hadn't spoken to anyone for ages. This is not healthy. Do call a friend and eat healthy meals! Hope you feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteBoo Ruth, this is beautiful but a bit sad. Home grows on you. I've never been to a place that feels like home right away. Hang in there. I love your writing here, by the way. As for your question on my email: we're still slowly working our way through boxes. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteBeautiful writing, it's almost like I can feel your emotions. Just want to send you a big hug.
ReplyDeleteaw, this was beautiful to read.
ReplyDeleteWhen we moved to VA from CA it was absolutely wrenching for me. One of the hardest things I've done and I made some really poor decisions in the aftermath. Anyhoo, it's become home here and someone very wise said to me shortly after we'd moved that a place doesn't become home until after you've traveled away, even for a weekend or overnight, and come back. Interesting thought, yes? I've been thinking about you. Transitions, even good ones, are HARD! Chin up! This too will pass.
ReplyDelete...and loved (in a socially acceptable, yet non-sock way). :)
ReplyDeleteHave you had time to find a good place to go riding?
Moving alone to a new city is SUCH a commendable endeavor! You'll find a groove soon enough, but until then I hope you enjoy your chocolate cake and quiet evenings. There is a beauty in transition and its share of discomfort... As crazy as that may sound when you're in the midst of it. I'll be thinking of you! Full length mirror shadows are the absolute worst at night.
ReplyDeleteMoving is definitely stressful and takes a lot of getting used to. When I moved, I couldn't sleep straight through the night for weeks...and then something snapped, and I felt at home, and I could sleep. You'll get there - glad you have something to do to keep your mind off things :)
ReplyDelete(((((hugs))))) I'll ship the kids over to you. They'll keep you company:)
ReplyDeleteAwww Ruth! Change is always really hard, but I know your fabulous self will be making friends left and right soon :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, darling. I'm sending you super large e-hugs and lots of good vibes. And lots of comfort knowing that you're not alone in locking your bedroom door. I do that every night, too! xoxo
ReplyDeleteoh : ( change is so hard, especially when it involves your whole entire life! re-runs are a good remedy . soon i am sure you can track down at least one good gas station and coffee shop and once you do i am sure you will feel a tiny bit better. xo
ReplyDeleteYou´ll soon find your place sweetie, I promise you!
ReplyDeleteAwwwww, if I was closer I'd force you to visit every single coffee shop in the area with me and explore!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are having a rough transition but I know you will make new friends and settle in soon! Sometimes, when I'm alone, I'll admit to leaving the radio or tv on for noise. Sometimes the quiet is nice but other times I need the noise.
Hey, don't feel so ad about it. I may not feel how you feel as of the moment because I have never gone away from home yet! But please do walk around the area, you may find beautiful spots and places to dine and chill. Take care! :)
ReplyDeleteThe evening is always the worst isn't it? I watched all 10 seasons of Friends when I moved away. It was totally unproductive and totally worth it.
ReplyDeleteSending you the biggest of hugs. I totally get this, right down to the chocolate cake and the morning voice test. I have done both quite frequently the past couple of years. It always takes longer than I want, but it does get better with time. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful words.
ReplyDeleteI've left places behind too, so I've felt this way before.
Sending hugs.
(hugs)
ReplyDeleteI am having similar feelings about one job site to another.
Hope things get better!