Weekend warrior

Society6
It's been less than 24 hours since my mom was discharged from the hospital for the weekend, not even halfway through Saturday, and my mom and I have already gotten into a fight.  But more on that later...

As an update, my mom is going to have a heart valve repair procedure on Monday afternoon, a major operation, after which she will remain in the hospital for a week.  Surgical risk is ~3% and we all feel really good about the surgeon.  The real issue for mom will be post-operative recovery, as she is underweight and frail.  As you all know, my mom is vegetarian but she's also on a low-sodium diet as well as taking several diuretics and blood thinners until the procedure.  She's spending the weekend at home recovering from the barrage of tests they've been running on her for the past week.  We're also making sure that she has everything prepped for her surgery on Monday and that she's feeling as good as she can be on the day she goes into the hospital.

Siri flew back yesterday from Portland and surprised them.  She'll be hanging out through the weekend and staying through Monday to see how the operation turns out.  It's been a comfort to have her around to say the least.

So back to the fight...

I know many of you have dealt with ill friends / family members and understand that it has the potential to be a very trying, exhausting, and frustrating process.  Everyone is stressed and on edge and I have to be better than letting my emotions take control of me.  Patience has never been one of my strong suits and I've already been tested on this.  Fortunately, I am as quick to apologize as I am to lash out and I am foreseeing a lot of apologies in the near future.  I will have to be better than only walking in someone else's shoes but also settling inside their heads as well to truly understand what they're going through and their perspective.

Patience.  Gratitude.  Grace.


Comments

  1. Prayers for your mom on Monday, Rooth. It's good that you're all together at a time like this.
    And I totally understand....families are always a trial to begin with, and dealing with an illness is never a walk in the park. The fact that you recognize how stress is factoring into all this is good, and also the fact that you're willing to apologize will make it easier.. ((((hugs))))

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  2. Patience is difficult for me also. I anger too easily but at least get over it and apologize quickly. It is so hard when your own mother is ill, but at least the surgery will be over soon and she will be on her way to hopefully a quick recovery. Take care.

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  3. With all that stress it makes sense and I'm sure your mom understands too. Empathy can be hard sometimes, especially when everyone is stressed out.

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  4. Patience is not always easy when under stress - the good thing with fighting with family is that they have no other choice than to forgive you unless they want holidays to be REALLY strainful from there on, haha! :-D

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  5. Without knowing the specifics, I can't agree that you need to be better. But as frustrating as they can be, you've got to give the patient a pass on most things--unless she's doing something that might be harmful to her condition. Then it's a gentle (but firm) reminder of the doctor's orders. You are in a really tough situation, trying to manage your own anxiety while being reassuring to your mom and looking out for her. You sort of have to be the parent without offending the actual parent. It's a hard line to walk under any circumstances. Be patient with yourself.

    You, your mom and your whole family are in our prayers--it can't hurt, right???

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  6. Yeah. It's very a very thin line to walk... and the line waves and changes.

    Good luck to your family. I hope that it can make you stronger as a family.

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  7. Keeping your mama in my thoughts today for her surgery this afternoon! I think navigating this sort of path is impossible without missteps and stumbles, but it doesn't mean you come out the other side any different or that you need to change/be better. C'est difficile. I wish I had a manual for you, lovey! xo

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  8. Oh, the fight. The fight. Sounds so familiar. When Neel was in graduate school, we lived near my paternal grandparents, and my grandfather was failing. My grandmother, well, she wasn't great either. Underweight herself, and not inclined to eat, she had an episode where every time she stood up, she fell down. I'm not proud to admit that I yelled at her (expletive included) over the phone as Neel and I were rushing to get to her. She was refusing to go to the doctor, and the paramedics couldn't make her. But then they took her blood pressure. When it barely registered, she had no choice.

    Love + fear + stress. Explosive combination. Be gentle with yourself. You deserve it.

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  9. I'm so glad to hear you had your sister with you for a few days! And love and prayers to you all today, especially . . .

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  10. Oh Rooth. My thoughts are with you and your family...
    Ronnie xo

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  11. i am thinking about you! i hope (and i am sure) every goes really well. these situations are always stressful and fights are sure to ensue. so being quick to apologize is key. and being there. just be sure to take a break when you need it! i am sending your mom all my positive energy today. xo

    oh, and i am so glad your sister was able to come visit! (she missed one crazy storm here yesterday - i was calling it rainmageddon. we drove through it on our way home from the beach - there were tons of cars pulled off the road it was raining so hard and then it followed us here. the thunder and lightening was pretty nice though).

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  12. As always your family is in my thoughts. And I come from a family of hot heads so I totally understand how stressful situations can bring on fights.

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  13. Ah I'm so sorry to hear this, Rooth, but sounds like a solid, good plan is underway with a good surgeon, which is wonderful news. I hope it goes really well. It is really not surprising to be in fights when there's been a medical scare: so much stress, nerves and tensions running high, so it's understandable. Breathe in, Reboot. Try again :) xxxxx

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  14. Your mom must have been so happy to see Siri! Hope everything goes smoothly today - sending good vibes to you and your family

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  15. oh, I missed all of this. by now, the surgery is probably over. I hope all went well. I'm thinking of you xoxo

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  16. Must be a stressful time for all but I'm sure your mum is happy to have both you and your sister around. Hope the surgery went well

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  17. i'm giving you hugs and wishing you patience through this ordeal. i hope everything goes better than expected. hope she recovers quickly and is better than before.

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  18. xx i hope your mother's surgery went well! sending well wishes and for a smooth recovery. please take care!

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  19. Hopefully the surgery went well! Sending prayers for a safe recovery!

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  20. How did the surgery go?? Stressful times for everyone, I know. I remember getting upset at my dad b/c he wouldn't listen to the doctors, nurses, or us. We were just trying to get him well. He saw it as an intrusion on his independence. But like you said, we have to learn to walk in their shoes. I can't imagine what stubborn person I'll be as a senior. I'm pretty stubborn already. (I'm sure your Mom will forgive you over and over. Moms are great that way)

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  21. I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. Bob's mother got the same surgery last year and we were all worried sick. But like you stated, chances of successful surgery are very good. Her recovery was long, sometimes painful, but mostly smooth. It always a comfort to help around the house a little, if you can. I ended up making a huge pot of chicken tortilla soup and that went over pretty well! Well wishes to you and your family. :)

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  22. My parents almost never fight, but they had a few big ones when my Dad was in the hospital for various reasons. It's hard and stressful and sometimes it's too much.

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  23. I have to admit, I am the worst when it comes to patience.
    But it is good that you can easily find it in yourself to apologize.
    Just keep repeating your mantra during this time Ruth: Patience. Gratitude. Grace.

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