The dreaming
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| Society6 |
I fully intended on writing a post today explaining my brief unplanned and unannounced blogging break. I planned to (and still plan to) share what I've been up to and tell you all about how my favourite holiday was (both the good and the bad), how the table looked, how the food tasted, and how the pies turned out. But I really don't want to leap into December forgetting the gratitude part of Thanksgiving.
These past few months have taught me a lot about the hidden pieces of lives that are veiled from the public and kept behind closed and locked doors. The quiet battles, sometimes daily, that the people we think we know around us are fighting. The number of people alone, particularly those that I thought I knew well, was staggering. That each one of them imagined themselves alone in that struggle was the most tragic, feeling so isolated, misunderstood and out of place. And I hope that each one of them, by sharing a bit of their story, feels a little less burdened and a little less lonely.
This year has been a tougher one for me due to obstacles I haven't encountered before and I have had the luxury of having you all as invisible (and sometimes visible) companions through it all. I've very, very rarely felt alone with the blogosphere and I can hear my cheering section from across the oceans - sounding more like a rallying battle cry. And so I've been able to stand taller and stronger. I am grateful for you all and so much more in my life. Grateful for the little things - cards in the mail and inside jokes. Grateful for the big things - my mom's recovery and Siri's seamless adjustment to life in Portland. Grateful for the hurtful things - those lessons that I wouldn't have learned any other way and for teaching me the way not to do things. Grateful for the sweet things - RACs aka "random ass compliments" from strangers.
So maybe that's what the crushing dream felt like, the weight of the year, the weight of that gratitude sitting on my chest. It's the invisible pressure I put on myself, those fabricated expectations of disappointing the cheerleaders, those I'm grateful to, and myself that are paralyzing me into inaction despite the need to just move.
But eventually, I did. Of course, I had to. I raised my arms and then, woke up. Much as I expect to now.
You haven't disappointed anyone. Glad to see you back! I never care how long a blogger stays away, only that they come back eventually ;)
ReplyDeleteFunny enough, I haven't had the "chest crushing" dream. I have had the "there's a test today and I didn't study" dream ten gazillion times...even though I'm 29. Ugh.
that's a beautiful post. the best of all the thanksgiving thanks thingies I've read. not just a list of THINGS and PEOPLE un-examined and in alphabetical order. it's been a tough year, but I'm with you, there were a lot of lessons in there for all of us.
ReplyDeleteSuch a lovely post. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm a big believer in breaks every now and again. A girl needs some time to catch her breath from the crazy . . . :)
What a beautiful post, Rooth. (((hugs))) It's people like you I've met through blogging that makes it all worth it. Belated happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, and here's to a better new year ahead of us.
ReplyDeleteHey you... I've been thinking about you and wondering about you, your holiday, and well, you some more. You have had a lot this year, and that's only the stuff I know about, but it strikes me, that your dream is a piece of all of that. The obstacles, big and small, and the losses too. Like I said, a lot. But yes, walking the path less lonely makes a world of difference, even if we don't share those bits and pieces of ourselves. And RAC? Totally using that. Holding you in my heart, dearest.
ReplyDeleteThis was lovely.
I hope you are doing okay. 2014 clearly isn't my fave year ever so I am hoping for a fantastic 2015 for all of us! Sending you lots of hugs! <3
ReplyDeleteI haven't had one of those dreams but it's good you realized it was just a dream. We're almost to a new year and I hope it's a better one for you! I definitely don't think you've disappointed anyone.
ReplyDeleteI too am grateful for my virtual friends, the ones my husband laughs and says are not real even when he sees a piece of mail drop though the door from someone he doesn't know..
ReplyDeletesuch a great reflective post. i love your words. and i love how you are grateful for the harder moments in life. xx
ReplyDeleteI've started this comment three times and deleted it three times. Hopefully fourth time is the charm. (It wasn't this is #5).
ReplyDeleteYou packed a lot into this post and I can't decide what deserves to be commented on first. In no particular order, I'm really looking forward to the planned posts. It's fun seeing TG through your eyes. This has been quite a year for you and I'm very pleased that you haven't felt alone. It's very easy to slip into feeling alone (when we're not) and it might be one of the cruelest things we unintentionally do to ourselves. The quiet battles you've witnessed and waged, the hurtful things, they are (as you know) valuable experiences. The kind that can make us better people. So you need to have a few great years with no obstacles to give me a chance to catch up a little.
PS - I can't say anything about possibly disappointing yourself (that's between you and you), but you don't have to worry about disappointing us.
ReplyDeleteThis post hits home. 2014 will go down in my life, as one of the most challenging on record, but through it all, I've found the wonderful, supportive community of bloggers. Bless them all.
ReplyDeleteYou will move, and things will move for you. Hang in there kid! :)
the past few months have been weird for me too, in that 'something is sitting on my chest' way. not a lot going on behind the scenes other than a lot of contemplation and feelings of restlessness. i think this usually indicates i am ready for some changes in my life. this was such a beautiful reflection.
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