So much cooler online
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| Antics Comic |
In creating her profile and writing a description about herself, we got into a severely heated debate about what you should or should not tell others about yourself in a 200 word blurb, particularly in the dating context. She took cloaking of certain aspects of her life to be lying or false advertising, whereas I saw it as saving those details to people that you sort through and are interested in getting to know better. I argued that with an online dating profile, you should really put your best foot forward, allow your brightest parts to sparkle and shine, and try to get as many inbound inquiries in the door. I see it as a pure numbers game and I would prefer that she be able to pick and choose amongst the suitors. However, I also understood her reticence at polishing up the doorknob but leaving the rest of the house in the dark.
But are not makeup and push up bras "false advertising" to an extent? Or let's flip the context into a job interview situation. Would you tell your potential employer that, although you are smart as a whip, a team player, and organized, you have the tendency to procrastinate, take long lunches, and surf the youtubes between 2 and 4 pm?
As more and more people I know try online dating and have had online dating experiences, I want to know what you think is preferable. Would you prefer to Kardashian Kontour (if you don't know what this is, just google it - it's pretty amazing) your online dating profile or go with the bare faced approach? And so you all won't cheat and say there needs to be a balance, let's pretend you have to lean slightly more one way than the other. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
To be honest, I don't know how I'd do an online dating profile. I would probably do what you said and put my best foot forward. That ananlogy with a job interview is a good reason why.
ReplyDeletePS If I'm doing online dating now, I'm pretty sure I'd fail miserably.
I think you should definitely show the best side of you. Like you said, you wouldn't go and tell them you like to surf the net in the afternoons :), but you'd tell them about your best qualities right up front. I'd go to you as well if I ever was in a writing predicament...you're the best!
ReplyDeleteAnd that cartoon is hilarious...."no it's the super gross faces"...hahah!!
Tough one...if you meet someone the natural way and fall in love, you're more likely to accept what you find out later. But if you find it out before you meet the person, it could be a deal breaker. But is it ethical to not disclose it on a site that's supposed to help you separate the wheat from the chaff?
ReplyDeletePersonally, I would only share the info someone could gather from a casual encounter in person. That should be enough for someone to decide if he/she wants to meet. Make them earn the right to learn I scream in my sleep. :)
About the Kardashian thing, I refuse to
Google it. If the person has anything in common with a K, I'm out. If (for example) a girl owns fancy under-garments (it's a Kardashian example), I want to earn the right to know that, not see it on her dating profile, Facebook page, Instagram, etc. I'm an old-fashioned boy and a romantic (and maybe a bit of a prude). lol
i'd totally do the kontour! and i'm going to go look that up now :)
ReplyDeleteI say put your best foot forward, but be honest. When I'm applying for jobs, people are always telling me to "beef up" my resume or overexaggerate my skills. I never take that advice. Because what ends up happening is, when you're called out on it and have nothng to show, then you look like a fool. The same goes for dating!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on this! I wouldn't spill my guts out to someone I just met at a bar, so why do it online?
ReplyDeleteooo, i don't know. i think that in general people "polish," and yet, on the other hand they have these ungodly high expectations of other people. so i am not sure. i mean i'd leave any information that is too personal out of it. i'd say maybe a couple anecdotal things like 'i love reading and yoga and i am terrible at parallel parking and keeping up on my laundry.' i can see where it's easier to honest upfront, i see it as her just wanting to be accepted for who she is out of the gate and that's a good thing, i totally get that. but maybe she can just crack the door open with her willingness for honesty with a couple little things. and good luck to her!
ReplyDeletegosh i have no idea! i'm bad with profiles in general. but for me, i think i have a bad experience with people "over selling" themselves and so i think, oh gosh, i don't want to look like that, and come off a bit brutally honest which often times either gets me misunderstood (totally happened during a job interview waaay back in the day) or look like i have no boundaries. in the end though for me, best foot forward in a non-pompous way would be the way to go.
ReplyDeleteSome things you certainly hide on a dating profile- anxiety problems, creepy ex-boyfriends, etc. etc. But others you do not (like, if you have children). It's really only positives and "deal breakers" that need to go up on the dating profile. This will prevent both sides from wasting their time!
ReplyDeleteIt's so awesome that I can highlight a phrase in Feedly and it pops up an option to google it, which is exactly what I do for the Kontour. Anywho, if I wrote a dating profile, I'd definitely want to be specific enough so that not any guy off the "street" is interested in it. I need to weed them out instead of giving every guy a chance. That said, I wouldn't put my negatives down either. Just enough to sound genuine and human. I wouldn't go to the other extreme where I come off as a perfect match for ANYbody. Thus, you have to be careful reading others' profiles too.
ReplyDeleteHmm.. I think online dating is great! Im married but I have a ton of single friends that find it to hard to meet normal people in their day to day lives. I think you should have your picture be whatever you want to make as a first impression!
ReplyDeleteYour friend is really brave to do that, I think I would say be honest but don't say everything up front. If you met someone in person that's probably what you would do.
ReplyDeleteOh geez, I still can't bring myself to do the online dating thing; I have a tendency to attract 'odd' (and not in a good way) men, so I can't bring myself to advertise for them. Oh wait, that's not the question. Well, I'm with Jeanine 'be honest, but don't say everything up front' . . .
ReplyDeleteI just wrote one of my friend's profiles for My Single Friend and I think I hit a nice balance (so did she - it took three or four drafts before she was happy with it). It was mostly complementary but I wanted it to be honest too because if he can't accept the less flattering/generic things in a profile he definitely can't deal with them in real life. We shall see how it goes though. Also, I got 1000 words which you can have much more fun with. x
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