Roll-Up Blanket / Mackinaw Cap / Axe / Enamel Steel Cup
Sweatshirt / Barn Coat
Have you seen the someecard that reads "I'm outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios"?  That is pretty much the extent of my outdoors survival skills.  Even when I was in Girl Scouts, a bajillion years ago, the only camping we did was in cabins, with hot and cold showers and flushing toilets only yards away.  I've slept overnight in a tent once in my life and it was in my best friend's backyard.  Lucky for me, I know some excellent outdoors-men/women.  So when the Mayan-predicted zombie / meteor / bioengineered / financial apocalypse hits on December 21st (that's eleven days away!), you know who I'll be spending my time with.

Here's to the hardy lumberjacks and jills,
Who find home base with their navigational skills.
Their camp fire tales usually end in laughter,
They know to dig the hole before, not after.

Cheers to the adventurous guys and gals,
Your hunting buddies, your fishing pals
Not afraid of spiders or West Nile mosquitoes,
And don't mind sleeping like human burritos.

And lastly, the reason why we hold you so dear
Is that we're counting on you to save our rear.