Mindlessly manic

Society6
The wheels are spinning but they’re more like hamster wheels, going nowhere but doing so with intent, purpose and drive. I’m curious if it matters, then, that they’re not inching me forward so much as creating large amounts of friction. Is it action for the sake of action, the need to sweat to feel a sense of accomplishment? A day is not a good, full day without being body sore and mind wrought and wracked.

So far this summer, I’ve had plenty of good, full days. Different, for sure, from my previous summer when I reached a golden brown to rival French toast. The hardest work I would have to do all day is reach over to grab a cold beverage from my deck chair.  This summer, I’ve woken up stretching stiff muscles and blinking away wisps of dreams that, later, I can only grasp at.

The truth is, it's exhausting.  And exhaustion helps me sleep better.  I can forget about the girl with long, dark, straggly hair, crouched in the corner waiting to pounce.  I can ignore the slightly muffled breathing coming from under the bed.  I can even tune out the constant list that's running through my head, like endless movie credits on fast forward.  "Don't forget about this," it whispers.  "Make sure you do that," it commands.  Luckily, once my head hits the pillow, it's lights out.

In the morning, it's rush rush rush even though I'm up before the day breaks.  Can't waste daylight so everything is a rush. Even my footsteps tap faster and I won't tell you the number of times I've tripped on absolutely nothing.

Right about now, I've lost the vision of what I'm rushing toward.  All I know is that, I must get there and I must not be late.


Comments

  1. Very cryptic Rooth! I can relate to being mindlessly manic though. I find myself counting down the seconds to the weekend only to find that my weekends are just as hectic!

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  2. Like the white rabbit! My brain does the same, it's non stop, 24/7 with do this and do that and why haven't you done this. blah blah blah.

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  3. I can definitely relate to "good full days" though I immensely enjoyed a completely chilled weekend and noticed that I had been running around far too much. Overall I'm curious about what exactly you're talking about, as Meghan said, very cryptic. Love your writing! xo

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  4. Wow what a post. Your last line is so poignant! I understand the feeling very well; the sense of rushing, though you're not sure where. Sometimes it's useful, sometimes it's a necessity. Sometimes it's good to just stop, take a deep breath (or two or three) and ask whether the stress isn't just self-inflicted, and maybe there's a way to calm down about it all. It's amazing how calming a decent intake of breath can be...at least for me! :)

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  5. Lately I have been feeling this way on weekdays so I have been trying to schedule as many weekends of nothingness as I can. I feel like I have a goal, but then what?

    Maybe switch to sitcoms for a bit rather than horror shows? That might get rid of some monsters.

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  6. Is the girl with the straggly hair the one with the infectious laugh? The breathing is me, sorry! It's the slight respiratory thing that won't go away. I'm glad it's not keeping you awake. :)

    Your rushing towards the future the old-fashioned way, without a Tardis. It's lovely there.

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  7. Oh I know the feeling of rushing and chasing towards/after something and never quite get there. It is really exhausting. My days are currently full as well, not in a bad way but work does not leave lots of time for other things besides sleep...Hope you get there, wherever it is soon and be able to slow down a little bit.

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  8. (((Hugs)))), Rooth.
    As they say, this too shall pass....

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  9. Relate!! Sometimes I ask myself what am I up to? But then I don't even pause to realize what it is really. :D

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  10. Gosh girl, I'm tired just reading that! I echo the sentiments above, this too shall pass and you'll be back to lounging in the sun (hopefully) soon!

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  11. oh no, not sure what to say. but I know how it feels... xxx

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  12. Wow. As crazy as it seems, I can relate, except I'm not able to shut my mind off. Maybe I need to be more exhausted. ps. this: "I can forget about the girl with long, dark, straggly hair, crouched in the corner waiting to pounce. I can ignore the slightly muffled breathing coming from under the bed. " - what an intense sensory perception your words brought on.

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  13. Maybe I should have wrote "as crazy as I may seem?" D.x

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