Family in November

A few years back, we almost skipped Thanksgiving.  It was a light suggestion that we had batted around because of what my family had been through just a few weeks prior.  But tradition won over, and I’m glad it did because there was so much to be grateful for that year.

My grandfather was a walker and that was the secret to his health.  Even when he lived with us in Texas, during the scorching 100 degree afternoons, he would walk to the convenience store to grab lottery tickets.  He would walk to the library and buy old National Geographic magazines that we would cut pictures from and glue together into collages (he had a genius designer eye).  When he moved to Los Angeles to be closer to the rest of my extended family, every morning he would walk two blocks to the corner store to pick up a newspaper.  Every morning, 15 minutes back and forth.  And one morning he didn't come back.

I was at work when my mom called me – “Your grandfather’s been in an accident.  He’s been rushed to the hospital.”  This was my dad’s father and the call from my mom underscored the seriousness of it all.

My grandfather had been walking to get his daily newspaper when an old lady, backing out of her driveway, didn't see him and hit him with her car.  He was rushed to the USC hospital and because of his age, had to have several operations immediately.  It was touch and go for awhile - he had multiple broken bones and massive internal damage to his organs.  My parents flew to LA and stayed for a week.  He got better, regained consciousness but couldn't talk because of breathing tubes.  My sister was in college, in the middle of exams, and I was working at the time.  We asked if we should come out but my grandfather insisted that no one travel to see him.  He was stabilizing, my parents went home and my sister flew out to visit.  Then one night, my cousin called and told me that I needed to be there as soon as possible.  I booked a flight for the next morning.  I met my dad, who had also flew in that morning, at LAX and we rode in silence to the hospital.  He had an infection and was in the ICU.  Siri had sat with him all night and he wasn't going to make it.

When I walked into ICU, I didn't recognize him.  I've always read in books how people look smaller – child-sized – in the middle of the hospital beds surrounded by all the tubes and massive medical equipment but didn't realize until I saw him that it wasn't an exaggeration.  This tiny figure was my grandfather, air force man, father of four, published author and always so silent and strong.  He, who had always traveled to every grandchild’s graduation, was going to miss my sister’s that spring.  We had counted on him, the consummate walker, to outlive all of us. 

When he passed that day, we were all in the room with him.  One of my other cousins, a doctor who did his residency in that very hospital, told us when he was gone.  My grandfather died in November.

And my family grew stronger in November.  We took a picture that evening that my grandfather died, an impromptu family photo, all of us gathered at my grandmother’s house, smiling and holding onto each other.  A cousin got married that next spring and the family got together to toast and celebrate at her wedding.  And my cousins all came to watch my sister graduate from college that May.

So when this time of year comes around again, I think of my family and how grateful I am for all of them.  And I think of my grandfather, who taught me the joy of writing and passed on his love of horses, and I’m glad for his memory in November.

Siri dug up this old picture and captioned it "Grandpa is not amused."  There are so many pictures that we've found of him wearing a serious expression while us grand kids ham it up.  Yep - that's me and Siri in matching tie-dye shirts.  We were awesome.

Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing this very personal story with us. I find it very moving. Let's be grateful and appreciate those who are close to us. xo

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  2. I'm so sorry to hear this, Ruth. Your grandfather sounds like he was an amazing man, and I'm glad he was able to pass on while surrounded by his loving family. Keeping you in my thoughts!

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  3. I'm sorry about your loss, and it deeply touched me to read this. You and your family seem like such strong-willed people, and I'm glad something tragic helped make you all grow stronger as a whole. I pray that November remains a positive month for you!

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  4. Oh, sweetheart. This story moved me to tears. You have such a gift for storytelling, the way you use words is just incredible. Your grandfather sounded like an amazing man, and he would be so proud of you today. So proud of your family for pushing through and celebrating Thanksgiving in the wake of that tragedy. No wonder you have mixed emotions on November. xo

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  5. beautiful.so touching and moving and gracious and empowering and heartbreaking and sad and joyful. it's just so beautifully written and expressed. xo

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  6. Beautiful tribute to your loved one - though sad and bittersweet.

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  7. You and Siri look so cute. Our grandparents are like treasures and we never really know their value until they're gone *sigh*

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  8. Thanks for being so open and sharing this story, Rooth. November is certainly a bittersweet month with Thanksgiving and all. We are thankful for the family we can share it with, but we also miss the ones that we cannot.

    You ladies totally rock the tie-dye. Not kidding.

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  9. OH Rooth. Now I know why November is so bitter/sweet for you and your family. Such a tragedy in losing your grandfather, but so wonderful that you were all able to come together and appreciate each other.

    I love that picture of grandfather with his grandkids.

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  10. I love that your grandfather's spirit was so strong that even later he brought your family together. Thank you for sharing this with us.

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  11. I love how close your family is, and how you've all grown closer and support each other the way you do. I'm sorry you lost your grandfather like that - he looks like such a kind man.

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  12. This is incredibly touching and beautifully written, Rooth.
    I really appreciate that you broach the fact that the holiday season can actually be a very tough time for many people! I've brought it up in conversation and often gotten confused looks, as it is said to be "the most wonderful time of year". There are so very many people that are mourning loved ones (and other losses). This time of year can often come as a freight train of heartache with reminders of what's missing in one's life.

    I'm sorry for the loss of your grandfather, but it is wonderful to hear that your family has banded closer together.

    p.s. Rad tie-dye! :)

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  13. (((((hugs))))) Nothing much to say....thanks for sharing, Rooth.

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  14. Oh my, Ruth. Hugs. He's left you all an amazing legacy, and your family grew stronger for it. But I am sorry you lost him like that. And yes, you were awesome in that picture, but you're still awesome in so may other ways too.

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  15. You put a lump in my throat rooth. I'm sorry you lost your grandfather that way. But what an amazing story of your family pulling together afterwards. Heartbreaking and inspiring. Thank you for sharing.

    PS - ARE awesome!

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  16. Thank you for sharing such a moving story with us that is both sad but also full of love! I miss both my grandfathers dearly even though I have not much recollection of my time with my dads father because I was very young when he passed away.

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  17. Seriously teary-eyed over here. That was a beautiful post and your grandfather sounds like an amazing man. I'm sure he knew he was treasured by you all.

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  18. I'm deeply moved. You've beautifully captured memories of your grandfather, sad with lots of love. It makes me think of family.

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  19. This is tragic. I think this is one of the worst ways to lose someone, especially someone who seems like such a selfless man.

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  20. I'm a little teary-eyed here but I love these stories of yours. For someone who can count the amount of family I have on one hand, it's so wonderful and fascinating to hear about your seriously massive (and close) family. It sounds like you couldn't ask for a better grandfather!

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  21. This is a beautifully written story mi dear!

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  22. Rooth, your story is very emotional for me. Both my grandmothers mean so much to me and though they are still here, sometimes it's hard not to think about their last days. Thank you for sharing this story with us, it reminds me that life is a grand cycle. We do have many things to be thankful for and it's these things make us stronger. Your grandfather must be an amazing man. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving this year.

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  23. I'm so sorry you lost your grandfather like that. Three of my grandparents have passed away but having grown up in another country I was never very close to them; but your story was touching all the same. Have a good Thanksgiving!

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  24. I am so touched by your story. I kind of feel you too because of my father. It's really sad when people leave us but it is always comforting to know that your family will always be there for each other no matter what. :)

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  25. Oh good grief! I'm sitting here crying in my coffee!

    I, too, had a grandfather who left much too quickly. In October. Years ago. I still miss him.

    But we are blessed, indeed, to have such men in our lives!

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  26. this is the second post I've read today that made me cry! but it's also very sweet and a lovely tribute to him

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  27. Family is definitely the greatest gift!

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  28. that's a beautiful story in a sad way. thanks for sharing!

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  29. Such a beautiful tribute to your grandfather, Rooth. You manage to capture so many emotions - tragedy, joy, love - in this one post. Thank you for sharing with us something very personal to you. I love the fact that your grandfather was a walker, and he sounds like he had a real zest for life. May we all be blessed with such a person in our life.

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  30. Oh Rooth. So moving. I was very close to my paternal grandfather (my mom's dad died before I was old enough to remember him), and his death was devastating to me. He was a walker too. Strongest handshake you could imagine. Thank you for sharing this beautiful and poignant story and for both telling me something about your granddad AND letting me remember mine a little. I still miss him.

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  31. That is such a sad story but it's wonderful that you were all able to be with him in the end and you are able to remember him so well.

    I'm sure your grandfather thought you were funny after the photos were taken. Love the matching tie-dyed shirts. :)

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