via here
Hold on to your lunches boys and girls!  Those who are easily squeamish and have a weak gag reflex need not apply here.

Bloody foot
Let this be a lesson to you sandal-lovers out there to please take caution when wearing open toed shoes to the bar or the club.  Pretty much any place where there may be drunk, wobbly women (or cross-dressing men) wandering about.  Some elephant woman at the bar decided to trample on my foot with her stiletto and now my beautiful, leather Madrileno sandals are soaked with blood.  And when I say the sandals are blood stained, I mean that they used to be a dark caramel colour and now more resemble a glass of Cabernet.  Because of my blood.  A flap of extricated skin on my foot, held in place by a tightly wrapped bandage, threatens to remove itself every morning I go running.

But more importantly, are my shoes ruined?  Does anyone know how to remove blood soaked into leather?  I promise I won't ask too many questions about how you know how to do that either.

Flea bottom
I'm a little mortified, embarrassed and just slightly tickled that I'm going to share this with the blogosphere because of where this story could end up.  During my last Transatlantic flight this spring, I was attacked by fleas.  More specifically, they attacked the rear part of me, which acted as their feeding grounds.  And they must have been voracious.  I didn't notice until after deplaning and arriving home but then came the incessant itching, irritation and inevitable red bumps on a part of your body that you do not want to scratch in public.  I took Benadryl to help with the itching but scratching the 17 (!!!) flea bites on my behind was almost impossible.  Thank goodness this all happened before shorts / swimsuit season or else no one would be seeing much of me.  Worst European souvenir ever.

And now this story is going to show up somewhere and haunt me 20 years later.